Archive for the ‘Fun Stuff’ Category

LIPSTICK IN SCHOOL

According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom . That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet bowl, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

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Nine words women use

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they
are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an
hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given
five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means
something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks
you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the
meaning of nothing.)

6.) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a
woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and
hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint.
Just say you’re welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a women’s way of saying DAMN YOU!

9.) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement,
meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do
several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a
man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

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George W. Bush vs. Condoleezza Rice

George W Bush and Condoleezza Rice are having a
meeting… read on.

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new
leader of China.

George: Great. Tell me all about it.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That’s what I want to know.

Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.

George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new
leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow’s name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George:The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu

George: The main man in China!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now what did ya’ r asking me for?

Condi: I’m telling you, Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That’s the man’s name.

George: That’s who’s name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name
of the new leader
of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought
he was dead in the Middle East.

Condi: That’s correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new
leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don’t want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use
a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is theguy in China

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me
the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars.

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Not Dumb But Still Blonde

blonde walks into a bank in New York Cityand asks for the loan Officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for The loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the Title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 Loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, ‘Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?’ The blonde replies, ‘Where else in New York City
can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?’

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Ever wonder where the term “Dickhead” came from[part2,pic]

Ever wonder where the term “Dickhead” came from[part2,pic]

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